At our December Meetup, we talked about getting clear on the vision for our lives by focusing on what we WANT (not what we don't want) and then creating little mental movies in our head (visualize) detailing what it would feel like when we achieve it. For example, instead of focusing on finding a partner who DOES NOT smoke, IS NOT in debt, etc... focus on finding a partner who IS healthy, IS ambitious, etc. State what you want in the positive...
And once we truly BELIEVE that what we want is on it's way to us and feel the emotion of that truth, our minds look for situations that reinforce that belief and we begin to live into that truth by attracting the people and situations to us that are in alignment.
John Assaraf puts it this way... Thoughts + FEELING + Action = Results.
If any one of those pieces is missing, our results will fall short. I tend to be really good at the thoughts, getting crystal clear on what I want, and I am pretty good with action being a type A personality ...but the weakest component of that formula for me is FEELING. I sometimes let doubt interfere with (or delay) my results, which is what I will be working on in 2010.
There’s a story I read recently about a Native American grandfather who was talking to his grandson after 9-11 about violence and cruelty in the world and how something like 9-11 can happen. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry; the other wolf was compassionate and loving. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered “the one that wins will be the one that I choose to feed.”
What a powerful illustration of how WE determine our experience of life by where we choose to place our attention and by which thoughts we reinforce/feed/nurture with that attention.
Our own choices about which thoughts to nurture determine our experience of life. No exceptions. Think about it...how often do we subtly nurture fear-based thoughts of lack, judgment, jealousy, regret, guilt, resentment as opposed to love-based thoughts of generosity, compassion, faith, trust, forgiveness, service...and then blame outside circumstances for messing with the quality of our life? We’re often so focused on trying to rearrange outside circumstances (if I made more money I’d be happy, if she would just behave the right way I’d be happy, if my job was different, etc.) instead of dealing with how we are thinking about our circumstances, which in turn determines the choices we make in response to the quality of our thoughts, which in turn determines our experience.
So as I move into 2010, my focus is not on resolutions to lose weight, make more money, get a bigger house, etc.; my underlying intention this coming year is to continue developing a sharper sense of self-awareness so that I make loving, life supporting choices more often than not. How? Reading, journaling, workshops, teleclasses, retreats, etc...there are so many resources now available to support living a powerful, authentic life. For example, www.healingwiththemasters.com has been an incredible source of inspiration and practical tools these past few months! Find what works best for you.
My life is most definitely a reflection of the choices I make each day and the habits that reinforce those choices, so with an evolving sense of self-awareness 2010 for me will be about continuing to align (or realign) my thoughts and habits so that they correspond to my highest desires. Not just to think about my desires for my career, finances, relationships, health, etc. as if they may or may not happen; but to get crystal clear on my vision so that in the present moment I can think and act as if I KNOW what I desire is on its way to me and match my thinking and habits to that truth. Then, just as importantly, I let go of trying to control HOW it shows up. I just do my part and then put my trust in a power greater than myself that whatever is the highest good will become apparent. Invite you to do the same.
Wishing everyone much abundance in every way possible in 2010 and in years coming. Be well.
I always tend to think about gratitude around the holidays and this year is no different. However, a new insight bubbled up this week...
My intention is to live a life with no regrets, and the best way I've found to do that is to stay in gratitude. Now... it's easy to feel grateful when life is going as planned or when life's dramas are kept to a minimum. But when I can feel grateful for the experiences that are most unpleasant by choosing to see valuable lessons for me in all that happens, there is no room for regret.
So, what I've realized is that living a life with no regrets is NOT about obsessing to make sure I make all the "right" choices in every situation; it's about honestly doing MY best and using ALL of my life -- the pleasant and the unpleasant -- as an invitation to grow, learn more about myself, and live more fully authentic.
"Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret." -- Miguel Angel Ruiz
I often end my emails with "Be Well", and the lesson for me over these past several weeks is that there's a difference between wellness and being pain-free.
Wellness looks different for everyone; for me it's a feeling of acceptance, presence, compassion, openness and gratitude for my life. Whether or not I feel WELL has less to do with how much physical pain my neck hernias or anything else are causing me, but how skillfully or fearfully I work with the pain. After revisiting Pema Chodron's teachings on suffering, meditation and freedom last month, I was clearly "gifted" an opportunity to work with them for real...
Practicing mindfulness to tap into my fundamental feeling of wellness in the midst of my physical pain definitely continues to be a challenging exercise, but it has been proven true for me (again) that genuine joy or a feeling that all is well is independent of what is happening to or around me. I know that not because I read about it or heard about it at a seminar or lecture, but because I experience it. At those times when my response to life does not reflect the spiritual principles I study, the disconnect is not in my understanding of the concepts but in feeling the truth of them for me.
I invite you to look at any area of your life that is causing you pain - physical or emotional. What lesson is your pain trying to teach you? Where is there a disconnect between what you say you believe and your behaviors? Can you access a feeling of wellness or a knowing that all is well even when you would prefer life be different in the moment? Because you become really powerful and free when you use ALL of your life in service to your highest sense of self...and then offer your best to others.
This past Sunday, I arrived back home after enjoying a wonderful vacation in Hawaii. Contrast that with the profound heartache I feel today when I reflect on losing a loved one on 9/11/01. And then...I was driving home after work listening to "Joy and Pain" by Frankie Beverly and Maze and felt a sudden relief...
"...joy and pain...like sunshine and rain..."
Listening reminded me that both joy and pain (like sun and rain) are essential for life. And for me, pain's purpose is to show up and leave behind whatever lesson it was meant to bring - be it a deeper understanding, compassion, new insight, whatever. When I try to fight the pain that has already arrived instead of just "being" with it, I clog up my life's natural flow, and the pain hangs around longer than is useful.
That song interrupted my painful "thought attack", and that created some internal space for a new understanding to arise (or more accurately I remembered what I already knew). Pain, like bliss, is an impermanent experience, like clouds passing through a clear blue sky. But true love never dies - it lives eternally and manifests in how generously I love, how simply I live, how deeply I care and how kindly I speak.
So once again, I end the day grateful. Grateful for the loving imprint Courtney has left on my life and how his angelic energy guides me even when it's painful, AND grateful for a beautiful Hanalei sunset in Kauai shared with someone who so gracefully reflects God's love FOR me back TO me. And isn't that the point of it all.
I read an article yesterday about Joan Baez and how she responded to a confrontation by angry right-wing protesters that got me thinking about the power of the serenity prayer. Here’s the serenity prayer for those unfamiliar with it:
God/Universe/Higher Power grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
You can read the article about the confrontation here and then come back…
Imagining that confrontation brings up images of flexibility, depth, calm, flow, power – like bamboo bending in the wind but never breaking; like Neo dodging bullets in The Matrix once he fully owned his power. Joan recognized she didn’t have control over the actions, experience, or feelings of other people, but she did have control over how she responded.
It got me thinking about the subtle but significant difference between power vs. force - and how the serenity prayer is a useful tool if living a powerful life is the goal.
Living powerfully means living in a state of awakening - becoming more present to your life and more available for others, relaxing into the now, not latching onto any negative feelings but instead allow them to move through you when they arise, being flexible, curious, open-minded and focusing on things you have control over – basically finding and living in the flow of your own life.
Over the past few weeks, the health care debate and the tone it has taken has proven to be a great opportunity for me to practice living the serenity prayer and staying in my own flow. At times when I become irritable, judgmental, and generally distracted by listening to the news, I whisper the serenity prayer over and over again to break the cycle of negative thought. I tap my wisdom and it shakes we awake, reminding me of my power. Power is not something someone gives us or takes away – it’s something we tap into. Power is inherent in all of us – some use it & build an empowered life based on it, some don’t and as a result live a life anchored in fear of what others do, think, say and feel. Joan brilliantly demonstrated what it looks like to live powerfully.
There’s a fundamental flow to life in general – day turns into night, up/down, sun/rain, crankiness and bliss…it’s all necessary and natural. The in breath is just as essential as the out breath...the universe has a pulse that we can tune into. And we become imbalanced – physically, emotionally, spiritually - when we hold our breath, fighting with the flow and trying to control what we have no control over. It’s this imbalance that is the precursor to stress, fatigue, overwhelm, and distraction.
Find your own unique flow, stand in your own power, and focus on what you can control to achieve the results you intend (setting intention is key, but more on that another day). Don’t fight life, but bring your power to each and every interaction and watch your life expand into an abundance of love, success and joy.
For me, a rich, delicious life is all about discovering yourself -- developing self-awareness while fully owning who you are in any given moment -- and showing up authentically and unapologetic...one day at a time.
"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -- Anaïs Nin
"It is only by risking.... that we really ever live at all." -- William James
"The purpose of life is to risk living life more fully." -- Anonymous
I attended a teleclass last night facilitated by Jack Canfield, one of the authors of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series of books. He talked about an exercise he called Ideal Visioning – I think that’s what he called it. Basically, the idea was to check in with yourself and describe what would have to happen in order for you to be totally satisfied with each area of your life one year from now:
• Finances
• Job & Career
• Health & Fitness
• Relationships
• Fun & Recreation
• Personal Development (spirituality, skill set, etc.)
• Contribution & Legacy
It seemed like a great opportunity to pause and check in with myself…refocus my energies, evaluate what’s important based on what I know to be true for me, see where I can more consistently align my day-to-day behavior with what I want in life, and figure out what I need to add, eliminate or upgrade to live my life to the fullest.
Working through this exercise, I’m realizing it’s not so much about learning new information, reading a new book, or collecting more insights…it’s really about unlearning what no longer serves me. Unlearning. Even the idea of it is freeing, simplifying ... kinda like spring cleaning for my soul.
Growing up, we’re taught lots of things about how the world works, how to view others, how to view ourselves and our place in this world, how to navigate life in order to protect ourselves from harm and so on. Both consciously and unconsciously, we adopt these beliefs that guide the choices we make as we mature – both those that have been empowering and positive as well as those that have been harmful in some way.
Many of those beliefs served a purpose. For example, learning not to talk to strangers served to keep me safe when I was too immature to discern how to best protect myself. But now, if I continue to adopt that belief unquestioned -- consciously or unconsciously -- then I may miss opportunities to meet some amazing new people. Some inherited beliefs are more subtle and damaging, like someone learning there is only one “right” religion. We can look at religious fundamentalism in all faiths to see the damage THAT belief does if it goes unexamined by an evolving consciousness.
But today, I’m incredibly fortunate to have information that my ancestors did not have easy access to if at all…gifted teachers, lectures, seminars, retreats, books, ancient teachings from around the world. So the question becomes…based on what I know NOW, what beliefs serve my highest purpose to live a life guided by love, compassion, joy, honesty, monogamy, service, connection, meaningful work, faithfulness, and so on, and which do not. What beliefs do I need to unlearn today? And a great place to start is looking at any area of my life that is less than ideal.
A beautiful, clearly powerful man I met last month described how he struggled with procrastination…avoiding doing the things he knew would help him grow his business and make lots of money. It appeared to me he had an old tape playing in his head -- a belief at work -- about his inability to attract and manage wealth. His parents taught him to work hard, don’t make trouble, be satisfied and happy with whatever you get, be cautious, etc. and that money will always be a struggle.
Even though his world is more expansive in many ways and he now knows better, that deep-seated belief was keeping him stuck and he didn’t even realize it. He was courageous enough to get honest, he began questioning that belief, replacing it with his OWN belief based on his experience, and now his energies are freed up to serve him better. Unlearing. Definitely an ongoing process...
I invite you to do this exercise with me and share your vision with someone you love and trust. Saying it out loud makes the vision real, holds you accountable, and may unearth ideas you hadn’t thought of. Imagine what your life would look like in each of those areas…feel into it…and then add, eliminate or upgrade the people, places and things in your life to make space for this reality. If not now, when?
What do YOU need to unlearn to live into your vision? I can’t think of a better use of time -- clearing mental clutter -- except playing monopoly with my godson or a massage by my miracle worker Grace ;-)
And remember, if you are in the Triangle area of NC, join us at my next Meetup -- www.meetup.com/ListenToYourLife -- to discuss this and other ideas/tools to support you in living an inspired life.
"Think of the news as humanity's prayer list. How different the world would be if every day's newspaper reports were met with prayers for healing from its readers! And that will happen, when the modern mind realizes the power of spirit. Prayer itself will emerge from the constricting limitations of religious doctrine, to become a spontaneous call of the soul to the higher power from whence we came."
Thinking about the role fear plays in our lives. Truth is... fear is good, healthy, useful, normal, energizing. And we all are afraid of something – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being judged, fear of loss, fear of pain or hurt in the face of real or more often imagined danger.
What we are afraid of is determined by our upbringing, our temperament, our circumstances, our history. But how we respond to our unique blend of fears determines the quality of our lives, not whether we are fearful or not.
For example…we can wait until we are less fearful before we make new friends or reconnect to old ones OR we can take bold steps without our “mask” to make genuine connection. You feel more powerful in your own life when you work WITH your fear instead of fighting it. Think about where your life feels less than ideal…it can point to an area of our life where fear is not serving you and it may be useful to reframe the role fear plays in your life. Ken Wilber talks about the idea of “transcending and including”…which I interpret as embracing and using ALL of your life, especially your fears, to serve your highest good and your purpose on this planet.
I mentioned this to a friend who said something like “I’m not really afraid of anything – I just live my life”. Cool. I asked where does your life not feel ideal? She said, well I just don’t have enough downtime for myself. Ok. After some chit chat, she considered that she may be over-committing to things because she wants to feel valued/respected/loved by others and not disappoint people – fear of rejection or failure or judgment. And she said when those fearful feelings came up she always pushed them away (dismissing them since they made her feel weak), so she just kept on moving.
As a result, she feels like she is kinda visiting her own life – not fully there, engaged, enjoying it, present to it. I suggested she instead welcome her fears with honesty, understanding and compassion, stay with the feelings as they moved through her, and from that space of openness, authenticity and gentleness work to heal what needed healing. Fear is purely information. I wondered if her fear of rejection is an accurate reflection of her life today? Or is she playing with crusty, old, out-dated tapes in her head about who she is and what life is really all about?
Bringing a different energy to your fears empowers you to move in spite of them. That’s when life gets juicy.
I'm here in Ft. Lauderdale on a mostly unplugged vacation :-) taking a break by the ocean - my favorite place to be. Reading and reflecting...
Question...is there an area in your life that is not unfolding as you would like? Or a goal you'd like to achieve? Health? Finances? Relationships? Job? Instead of giving your attention to thoughts of lack, regret, fear or insufficiency, try visualization.
Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization lays out 3 main steps:
1) Set a goal. Is your goal to be debt free, find a healthy relationship, work you love, write a book? Make sure it's clearly articulated.
2) Create a clear idea or picture; a mental image. Imagine how you will FEEL when you reach that goal. How free will you feel to be debt-free? How loved will you feel in a healthy relationship? How will it feel when you sell 50K books? Really feel into it like it has already happened. Imagine...
3) Focus on it often. Take a few minutes each day to revisit your goal and how you'll feel when you achieve it. Even just 5 minutes a couple times a day.
4) Give it positive energy. Have fun with it. Repeat the process every day
The goal here is to dissolve any internal barriers or dis-empowering ideas about your life and the power we inherently have. And when thoughts that are contradictory come up, don't fight them...it gives them more power...just let them flow past like clouds passing, and return to your positive images.
For example, one of my goals is to buy a condo on the ocean by the time I am 50. We went to visit a furnished model in the exact condo I had visualized. Now I have an even clearer mental image to visualize. I imagine myself sitting on the balcony, reading, entertaining friends, feeling so incredibly grateful as the ocean breezes blow by. And as I continue to visualize living there - while simultaneously enjoying, being present to and greteful for my current home - I am drawing my vision to me. May not be that condo - but I know that vision will manifest in some way, shape or form - according to the highest good for all concerned.
Creative visualization has worked in my life in so many ways - try it for yourself. Maybe you call it something different, but the key here is to - while staying in gratitude for the present - consistently revisit and FEEL into your goals for a life fulfilled.
I read yesterday that when you die, your life can be summed up in one sentence. I thought about that...what a great way to focus your activities for the day and get real about how you are living your life so that you live how you want that sentence to read...
If you think of your mind as a garden, why not nurture seeds (thoughts) that support your best life?
This doesn't mean that you walk around with positive thoughts all day skipping around in the midst of crisis or challenge. But by practicing awareness or mindfulness, you simply & gently recognize negative seeds and redirect your attention as soon as you are able AND just as importantly you trigger and nourish positive seeds to grow to crowd the others out. By paying attention to your life in this way, you begin to feel more in control, live more intentionally, less frantically and reactionary, more conscious.
Grab your journal, find a quiet spot and write down which seeds are you nourishing? Where is your attention? Focus on an area of your life that is not working as well as you'd like - what are your thoughts around it? Your beliefs? Has your garden been overrun with weeds?
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Every year, thousands of people of all ages are diagnosed with leukemia and other life-threatening diseases. Many of them will die unless they get a bone marrow or cord blood transplant from a matching donor.
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Click here for more information and join the registry today!
In working with clients, there is a common theme that emerges, regardless of why we initially began working together. They longed to give their lives some deeper meaning. As long as they had not discovered this deeper meaning (or at least begin asking the deeper questions), they were more often than not feeling frustrated, fatigued, unclear, and on the wrong track. Sometimes it was obvious, but often it was subtle and insidious and playing out in one or more areas of their lives. We all want to feel in our own flow more often than not -- developing some inner peace in order to share that with others.
For me, at times when I'm less centered, impatient or irritated, it's typically the result of not feeling steady, clear. At those times, there's a physical and/or emotional low level ache or full blown tension resulting from the gap between how I am showing up in any particular moment and how I think I should be showing up OR how things presently are and how I think they should be.
The result? Lots of energy spent trying to close the gap -- spinning in resistance to the present moment which interferes with my being present, energized and available to respond in the most effective, life supporting way. Often just out of habit I'll go through a cycle of judgment, anxiety, fear, whatever; but now more often than not I'm able to pause, become aware of what's happening, recognize that I have a choice in how to respond, and take actions that move my life forward instead of playing old, outdated tapes in my head.
What I realized is that the gap is an invitation to move our lives forward and the anxiety is valuable information, a wake up call. That recognition gives new meaning and purpose to life's challenges which can then help keep us focused on the vision for our lives instead of getting stuck in the normal ups and downs of just being human.
We live our entire lives in our mind. Think about it. You have to first have a thought before you have a feeling which then determines your experience.
For example, think about walking into a room full of strangers -- it could either be an exciting opportunity to meet new people or an experience filled with dread and self-consciousness -- all depending on what you are thinking. If I tell you to feel sad, you have to THINK about something sad; if I tell you to feel angry, you have to THINK about something that makes you angry. Your quality of life is determined by what you think.
Now it's true -- oftentimes we are in challenging situations where it seems like we have no control over what we are thinking, but if you can practice pausing and even slightly reframe how you think about those circumstances -- how you receive it -- you can instantly transform how your life feels at that moment and as a result how you respond. It's a simple, yet profound insight found in many great spiritual teachings and working with this understanding has transformed my life in many ways.
My journey continues to be much like yours -- with twists, turns, highs, lows and many surprises that blend together to form the unique tapestry that is my life. And like you I've accumulated my own portfolio of insights and lessons on the path to a life of meaning, authenticity and substance.
Now in my 40's, I've realized that it's not really so much about learning NEW information - a new book, a new retreat, a new teacher. It's about consistently applying the most relevant, empowering information and wisdom to your life. This newsletter is borne out of my desire to create a space that supports people in this process as I travel along my own journey.
In this blog, I'll explore the topic of living an authentic, powerful, inspired life as well as provide resources that support your journey. I invite you to take what is useful and toss the rest. Forward to a friend and share what comes up for you. I'd love to hear any feedback if there are ideas, suggestions, or comments you'd like to pass along.
And if you are in the Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area of North Carolina, I facilitate a monthly Meetup called "Listen To Your Life; Turning Insight Into Action" to further explore the ideas of purpose and service. For more details click here and bring a friend.
As always I am wishing you abundance in every way,
At our December Meetup, we talked about getting clear on the vision for our lives by focusing on what we WANT (not what we don't want) and then creating little mental movies in our head (visualize) detailing what it would feel like when we achieve it. For example, instead of focusing on finding a partner who DOES NOT smoke, IS NOT in debt, etc... focus on finding a partner who IS healthy, IS ambitious, etc. State what you want in the positive...
