Fear

Thinking about the role fear plays in our lives. Truth is... fear is good, healthy, useful, normal, energizing. And we all are afraid of something – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being judged, fear of loss, fear of pain or hurt in the face of real or more often imagined danger.

What we are afraid of is determined by our upbringing, our temperament, our circumstances, our history. But how we respond to our unique blend of fears determines the quality of our lives, not whether we are fearful or not.

For example…we can wait until we are less fearful before we make new friends or reconnect to old ones OR we can take bold steps without our “mask” to make genuine connection. You feel more powerful in your own life when you work WITH your fear instead of fighting it. Think about where your life feels less than ideal…it can point to an area of our life where fear is not serving you and it may be useful to reframe the role fear plays in your life. Ken Wilber talks about the idea of “transcending and including”…which I interpret as embracing and using ALL of your life, especially your fears, to serve your highest good and your purpose on this planet.

I mentioned this to a friend who said something like “I’m not really afraid of anything – I just live my life”. Cool. I asked where does your life not feel ideal? She said, well I just don’t have enough downtime for myself. Ok. After some chit chat, she considered that she may be over-committing to things because she wants to feel valued/respected/loved by others and not disappoint people – fear of rejection or failure or judgment. And she said when those fearful feelings came up she always pushed them away (dismissing them since they made her feel weak), so she just kept on moving.

As a result, she feels like she is kinda visiting her own life – not fully there, engaged, enjoying it, present to it. I suggested she instead welcome her fears with honesty, understanding and compassion, stay with the feelings as they moved through her, and from that space of openness, authenticity and gentleness work to heal what needed healing. Fear is purely information. I wondered if her fear of rejection is an accurate reflection of her life today? Or is she playing with crusty, old, out-dated tapes in her head about who she is and what life is really all about?

Bringing a different energy to your fears empowers you to move in spite of them. That’s when life gets juicy.