The 9 Skills Every Woman Should Master

I love this post written by Christine Kane...

There’s a popular Esquire Magazine article called “75 Skills Every Man Should Master.” There’s stuff about baseball, neckties, and other things that most of the extraordinary men in my life could care the least about.

It got me thinking about the happiest, coolest, most successful women I know. And how they would take the question of mastery about 40,000 leagues deeper than neckties and baseball.

In fact, it dawned on me that the burning desire beneath my outward goals is almost always the mastery of one of the following skills. The goals themselves – be they money, fitness, etc – are really the means to becoming a student of something much much cooler.

So, here are 9 Skills Every Woman Should Master…

1 – Reveling in your own preferences.

Taking the time to notice your delight. Trying new things, and honoring yourself enough to make time for them. (No matter how stupid they seem.) This is the key to the authenticity we women crave.

Unapologetically reveling in your own preferences gives you permission to be real – and serves others by letting them see your joy and choose (or not) to bask in it with you!

2 – Listening without judgment.

I’m convinced that suffering comes from judgment. Not just self-judgment. But ALL judgment.

That being said, many people think that “listening” means “waiting my turn to talk.” Which means that much of our time is not spent actually listening. It is spent judging what’s being said.

Learning how to truly listen without judgment – whether to another person or to yourself – awakens the intuition. It heals and empowers the speaker. It enriches the present moment.

3 – Discerning “Nurture” from “Distract.”

Many of us lead exciting, challenging and sometimes stressful lives. We are serving children, clients, parents, co-workers. Our self-care matters if we are to be of true service in the world.

There’s a huge difference, however, between nurturing ourselves with what we truly want and need – and distracting ourselves in order to stuff the stress or fill the time. Learning that difference, and honoring our true needs (ie, getting a massage vs. eating a sleeve of Oreos in one sitting) is crucial.

4 – Letting go of the need to “fix.”

Most of us know that when we try to fix another person, we rob them of empowerment. (And often, our “fixes” are more for US than for them.) Allowing others to find their own wisdom, to make mistakes and to be exactly where they are on their path teaches us to accept the present moment as well as the mystery.

It also teaches us that we are not the ultimate deciders of what is right and wrong!

5 – Becoming an Imperfectionist.

Having a purpose, taking action, trying new things – all of these contribute to our deep satisfaction and joy. When we expect ourselves to be perfect before trying new things, we cut off many avenues to happiness.

When you become an Imperfectionist, you finally recognize your ego voice exactly for what it is: Your own personal Success Prevention Expert.

6 – Getting Out of the Comfort Zone.

Our growth and success are often proportional to how often we’re willing to let ourselves be uncomfortable. We kid ourselves (and our souls) when we convince ourselves to play it safe.

Getting out of the comfort zone doesn’t mean extreme sports or stepping onto a stage. Sometimes it can be as seemingly small as saying no – or trying a yoga class.

7 – Saying No with Clarity.

Learning to say no is really about learning to say yes.

When we say no to something we don’t want to do, be, or have – we are actually saying Yes to our deeper desires. Many women don’t believe they can have what they truly want, so they learn to settle, and their lives are filled with “maybe’s.”

Saying no – with clarity and without explaining – is really about honoring other people as well as ourselves.

8 – Allowing disappointment.

When we say no, or when we follow our dreams or true callings – people might be “disappointed” in our choices.

Life is not a campaign. We don’t have to get votes. People can love us and still feel disappointed that we didn’t do it their way. Too many women go on campaign trails to get others to agree with them before they take proactive steps. This only serves to rob them of the creative energy they need.

Allowing people their disappointment sets us free.

9 – Making support mandatory.

I can’t remember NOT having a coach. It’s now a requirement in my life in the same way it’s a requirement for a world-class athlete.

I feel the same about hiring people and about asking for help. Too many women hope for the best and go it alone. (Been there, done that!)

Well, remember this little ditty from Einstein: The problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

Translation? Get support, training and encouragement. Make it a mandate. You will soon discover a new level of lightness and velocity!

Christine Kane is the Mentor to People Who are Changing the World. She helps women and men Uplevel their lives, their businesses and their success. Her weekly Uplevel You eZine goes out to over 20,000 subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can sign up for a F.R.E.E. subscription at http://christinekane.com.

Mind your business...seriously!

‎People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies, succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you, be honest anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build... anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous, be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow, do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough, give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."

- Mother Teresa

Just jump...

Jaya, our teacher from the Open Dharma meditation retreat this past weekend at The Stone House, shared a beautiful and poignant visual that brilliantly described this experience of expanding consciousness, what it feels like. She said it's as if we are living in a fishbowl floating within the ocean.

Hit me right between the eyes and got me thinking...

We swim around in this fishbowl thinking that the limitations of the bowl - our stories, our fears, our judgments - are all there is to life. Many of us are happy living out our entire lives in the fishbowl; but some of us are driven by a persistent, mysterious impulse toward liberation for ourselves and for others and to have our work in the world come from this deeper, more empowered & open-hearted space.

I've felt this persistent impulse or ache in my soul for as long as I can remember but didn't understand or have the language for it. Now I do.

Through committment to deepening spiritual practice (reading, meditation, prayer, service, etc.), our awareness of the ocean around us expands and we realize that all we have to do is swim out of this fishbowl to experience true freedom.

And what does that freedom feel like?

For me it feels like dropping into an unlimited capacity for love, compassion, joy, forgiveness. There's a flow and ease to life that is independent of circumstances. I feel connected to everyone and everything with an insatiable desire to serve others in a deep and meaningful way.

It also at times feels scary, exhausting, vulnerable and insecure because the ocean is so vast and uncontrollable...until I remember what enlightened masters like Jesus and Buddha have always taught - that the unseen Power that governs universal life (God, Spirit, etc.) is not separate from us. It is me, it is you, and we are that. I am the ocean and the ocean is me. So what is there to fear?

Sometimes I'm spacious, centered and courageous enough to swim out into the ocean and rest in that freedom of being; sometimes I swim around in the fishbowl I know so well. I'm learning there's nothing right or wrong about hanging out in the bowl, but it is my choice now. That's the journey, the path. If I had to describe my ultimate reason for being on this planet at this time I'd say it is to be part of and contribute to this momentum toward liberation...for all.

I love roller coasters and swimming out of the fishbowl into the ocean feels kinda like I'm on the biggest, baddest coaster...scared and exhilarated at the same time. I guess I'll just throw my arms in the air and yell weeeeeeeeee!

What a wild ride man.

Be still my heart...

"Once the heart is still, we can meet our deepest beliefs by practicing openness. Consider how a flower knows when it's time to bloom. Rather than preparing itself for a particular moment, it seems that a flower stays true to a life of leaning toward the light and to a life of continually opening in the presence of light. The way to our deepest beliefs is the same. For the life of the soul opens like an unseeable flower we carry within that is always leaning toward the light, whether we want to or not. Though we have the choice whether to open ourselves to that light or not."

- Mark Nepo

Working with the monkey that is our mind

Our busy minds often disturb that feeling of Oneness just like kids might disturb a parent who is trying to meditate. There is nothing wrong with the kids (your mind)...the practice is to purify and discipline OUR minds so we are less inclined to feel disturbed and can rest in that feeling of Oneness anytime, anywhere...even when kids want to just play.

Our mind is not the enemy...it's just doing what it is designed to do. Practices like reading spiritual books, prayer, selfless service and meditation help us to continuously calm and cleanse the mind so that it can serve our awakening to our true Self. Then we give ourSelves away for the benefit of others.

"Every one of you is a Buddha. I cannot make you a Buddha. You have to awaken the Buddha within you" - Buddha

"The kingdom of heaven is within" - Jesus

Idk

"It is not until we have fully come to understand the impossibility of knowing anything for sure, that we can let go, stop working so hard at knowing, and allow the truth to come into our lives as a gift. At some point, the sage stops seeking knowledge and gains wisdom.” -- a wise sage

Pieces

We are God's love broken into many living, breathing pieces to be given away, over and over again...

Breaking through illusion

Taking a break, contemplating the nature of life...

There's really NO separation, NO duality...there is only my true Self as manifestation of the One Spirit or God - as is everything and everyone else. That is the one TRUTH, the mystery that never changes no matter what language you use to try and describe it...although I love the way Jesus and Buddha break it down :-)

But I've learned to appreciate my humanity, my ego self. And I'm learning to appreciate the humanity in others. The ideas and concepts in the books I read are really just ways to play with my humanness with more freedom, more joy, more love... and give that away. When they no longer are needed and I can rest in the truth, I set them aside...again and again.

At least until I get completely annoyed by the guy snoring next to me at Barnes & Noble...really?? I guess this is called "compassion practice"...

Peace.